“The benefits of hindsight cannot be applied retrospectively”. I actually don’t remember where I read this from, but it’s just a dramatic rendition of the popular saying “lessons from the past cannot be used to undo the past”. What makes quotes like this hit isn’t the reference to what’s happened, but the subtle hint toward what you do now and the next. That extrapolation into the present and future is what gives quotes their “banger” effect!
This idea leaves the door open to another one I find interesting, which I remember from Michelle Obama’s book Becoming (yeah, I shamelessly stole the title for this blog post from her), “Now I think it’s one of the most useless questions an adult can ask a child—What do you want to be when you grow up? As if growing up is finite. As if at some point you become something and that’s the end”
From these 2 quotes, all I am trying to say is that becoming is continuous. Re-inventing yourself requires reflection, adjustment and application of metrics that have brought you where you are now.
What I am going to share are isn’t new but popular metrics that I incorporated in my systems that have helped clarify my “becoming” and “re-invention”.
1. MASTERING EMOTIONS
Not in the mood to argue, but let me put this point across – Masculinity cannot be toxic. Because masculinity itself is self-discipline, strength and control. The absence of these traits don’t make one “toxically masculine”, but rather “un-masculine”. In short, the absence of masculinity is what is toxic. You can push back and argue for nuance but let me finish my post first.
That said, emotions dictate the bulk of masculinity. The biochemistry of moods – understanding mood triggers and the mechanics of their impact helps with control. Why do you feel envious of the next person? Is it a reflection of your lack of competence or just a pure disdain for their excellence? Deconstructing moods before taking action save you from self-sabotage.
Criticisms shouldn’t lead to passive aggressiveness, rejections shouldn’t lead to a rampage, neither should heartbreaks/disappointments lead to animosity and so on.
Taking control of the mechanics of your emotions is hard but rewarding
2. LONG-TERM CONSISTENCY OVER SHORT TERM INTENSITY
Routines are the pillars of consistency. And having a strict one gives direction. The muscle memory from repeated ordered actions saves time. Moreover, whenever more work pops up, consistency through routines make it easy to optimize for the best sequence rather than throwing random durations and order to tasks. Knowing what you need to do everyday at each hour doesn’t only automate time management, but clarifies direction.
Short-term intenstity due to emergencies don’t help with growth!
3. MEASURED GROWTH & FEEDBACK LOOPS
Consistency feels great until you hit a plateau not because there isn’t more to grow into, but rather incorrect approaches and loopholes detracting from your overall growth. For example, while lifting may grow muscles, the right motions and progressive overload are actually more important. You may get by with wrong motions and fixed weights, but the compounded effects over time are a zerosum. Being able to track and observe your growth trajectory like plots on a graph sheet inspires confidence. Metrics is your best friend
4. DELUSIONAL CONFIDENCE
What I find interesting in my experience is that a strict observance of the previous 3 points progressively boosts confidence. But to be “delusionally confident” comes from doing the hard things. Speaking to the girl although you may be rejected, participating in that competition although you may lose or sending that email even though you may get ignored. Taking voluminous actions combined with “measured growth & feedback loops” leads to a better win-lose ratio, because you are not just blindly trying to hit a target but sharpening your aim as well. The result? Your confidence shooting through the roof!
A competent man is amazing and becoming one is non-negotiable!
PS: My last post was about my freelancing journey. Click here to give it a read.
